New Logo

As you might have noticed, in the past few days, I posted The Johnson Plan logo, made courtesy of FreeLogo, a wicked cool blog that designs logos for your blog or your business, for free! Anyway, I altered the logo he made for me to contain the new catch phrase of The Johnson Plan, "Horribly Effective" The catch phrase was thought up today by Lyd, my translator for Russian (she's amazing at it, too!). She's on the Johnson Plan and was complaining about how horribly efficient it is (yzhasno yeffectivna!). Then it just clicked that it would make a great catch phrase. I'm definetly satisfied. Still working on chapter 5, looks like it'll be a follow up to chapter 3. It'll be way fun.

Chapter 4

Chapter 4
The Johnson Plan

As the title of the book would suggest (even outright say), the Johnson Plan is a not-so-revolutionary plan. “What?!” you say, “not-so-revolutionary?” Nope – in fact, it is based on principles that are centuries old, simply refined to produce better results. The Johnson Plan is so simple in all reality that children could incorporate it and have more toys to play with. Yet for being a not-so-revolutionary plan, it can (and will) have an amazing affect on your health, your social status – even your earning potential. The Johnson Plan is not just a diet; it is a plan for life. But enough foreplay – just what is the Johnson Plan?
The Johnson Plan is a system of goals that incorporates a structure of reporting. The goals form a ladder where each rung is just enough to make us stretch, but not enough to risk falling. First, we must have a long-term goal. The long-term goal is really the ‘end-result’ goal. What are we trying to accomplish? Lose weight? Get stronger? Get rich? Get out of debt? Whatever the end result we want to see, that is what comprises our long-term goal. Often the long-term goal is vague when we first pick it – generally speaking, that is fine – however, it is better if there is a number associated with the long-term goal. By number, I really mean a measurable figure. The figure should be representative of our final point. For example, when I started the Johnson Plan I weighed 240 pounds – my goal was to weigh less than Chris Barney, or about 200 pounds. Forty pounds is a lot, but 200 is where I had been before and I did not like being much lighter than that – so that was my long-term goal, weigh 200 pounds. It gave me a definite ‘finish line’ so I could know when I was finished with the Johnson Plan. Of course, there is no real end if we intend to keep our results. Sometimes there is no measurable end-point we can set. I utilized the Johnson Plan to improve my Russian-language skills for my term in the Siberian Battalion. How can you actually define fluency? You simply cannot. If you can, I will let you download an e-book version of the Johnson Plan free. Also, if you are a guy and your goal is to “get more girls to notice me” (or guys if you are a girl) – you may have a very difficult time with the Johnson Plan. If your long-term goal has anything with the opposite-sex liking you, well, that is a genetic problem and can only be solved by radiation treatment. Ok, so once you have picked your long-term goal, look at it. Do you wonder, “Will I ever accomplish this? Is it even possible?” If you do not wonder this, set another goal. If you do not have flashes of doubt associated with your goal, you are not stretching yourself hard enough. Some friends and I in high school liked to do a certain workout, which we called a ‘burnout’. We used the bench press and to begin the ‘burnout’, we would put as much weight as we could bench for eight repetitions onto the bar. We then proceeded to do eight repetitions and following, lowered the weight by ten pounds and did another eight repetitions. We continued this, occasionally increasing the number of repetitions, until there was nothing but the twenty-five pound bar left. Then we did as many repetitions as we could. We were usually worn out at this point and so our arms would shake while we lifted this light bar. If a girl walked in, she would usually laugh at us, but I digress. After we could no more lift the bar, we would do a pushup. Except that if we could actually do a pushup, it meant we did not work hard enough while we were on the bench. Likewise these long-term goals must push us to the point that it really represents all that we can do – no more, no less. So do not worry about adjusting your long-term goal. If you realize that you can perform substantially better or worse, change your goal to reflect your actual abilities. More on that later, though.
Second, we must set short-term goals that form the rungs on the ladder. These short-term goals are very important to achieving success. Our long-term goal is not realistic to achieve in a single step, so our short-term goals become the means by which we arrive at success. What is the scope of these short-term goals? The short-term goal should do one of two things. It should eliminate a bad habit or it should develop good habits. A common adage says,

“Our thoughts are the basis of our words.
Our words are the basis of our actions.
Our actions are the basis of our habits.
Our habits determine who we are.”

By developing good habits, we are setting ourselves up for success and by eliminating bad habits; we are removing the temptation for failure. Our short-term goals also need to include a time limit – or in other words, a deadline. These short-term goals are set based on our individual ability to change. Some can change quickly, others, much more slowly. Again, as an example from my first experience with the Johnson Plan. I was trying to lose forty pounds. I looked first at my diet and identified a bad habit. I drank a lot of carbonated drinks. I always knew they were bad to drink, but I really liked the flavor. So I gave myself seven days. My goal – to stop drinking soda and all other carbonated drinks. That next week I constantly reminded myself not to drink soda. By the end of the week, I not only had no desire to drink soda – but the idea of drinking it just seemed associated directly with being fat to me. I had accomplished my first short-term goal. Feeling empowered, I proceeded next to limit myself to just one helping of food in the mess hall. Normally I ate two or three plates. This was especially hard at first because I was constantly hungry for a few days while my stomach shrunk. Even so, by the end of the week, one plate filled me up and kept me charged until the next meal. Continuing on my roll, I set another goal. Over time, each of these goals became a habit for me. I lost a lot of weight just from eliminating bad habits. Soon I was developing positive habits and before I knew it, I had reached my long-term goal of 200 pounds. Our short-term goals give us small markers of achievement that keep us motivated and keep us focused. Nevertheless, while the measurement of performance improves performance, the reporting of performance accelerates the rate of improvement.
Thus, third, we must report our progress to ‘Johnson’. This is why it is the ‘Johnson’ Plan. Johnson was the man to whom I reported my progress. Now, Johnson is not just a person who listens to my progress, he gives me feedback, he takes an active role. He actually cares about my success. I verbally tell Johnson all of my goals and during the time before my deadline of the goal, he asks me how things are going. If I fail to achieve my goal, he helps me to figure out what went wrong. If I accomplish my goal, he congratulates me. He is almost your own cheer squad (minus the girls and the outfits). By having somebody in addition to yourself interested in your success, you cannot simply ignore your goal and hope it goes away. It makes you responsible for your progress.
Now the beauty of this is that the Johnson Plan is one-hundred percent compatible with all other diets and self-improvement programs. In fact, the Johnson Plan is designed to fit in with all structural diets or self-improvement plans. Many people do not know where to start with producing their own plan, but have had no success with pre-planned programs. The Johnson Plan allows you to develop the habits necessary to succeed with other programs on your own timetable. But before I ruin chapter five, I will end with a reminder that to send checks to me, make them out to cash for thousands of dollars – although, I should note, larger amounts are also accepted.

Teh Blog Father Review

I just learned that Teh Blog Father did a review of my blog! Way cool! Here's the review he gave me! I love the picture! Teh Blog Father does reviews of blogs for people who tell him a funny joke. It's good stuff - and mostly fat and bad-carb free!

Can I Like, Get Fries With That?



Ladieeeeeees and gents! It is written in the ancient texts, that thou shalt have a potbelly if thou be a man, for in it thine wife shalt find delight all her days. The verse which cometh next, sayeth also, if thou be a woman, then thou shouldst see no shame in having a little extra for thine husband shalt enjoy the cushioning thereof...for all his days. And all-o-y'all crazy folks who would have loved such a religion better give it up for Pofigsteeeeeeer "Tha Diet Master" Defattenatoooooor. Bringing you a not-so-revolutionary book on how to acheive more in life and finally get your diet to work, Tha Diet Master is your friend. Shouldst thou be a cheapskate then fear-eth not-eth for the book is free!

Back Cover

I'm thinking about using this for the back cover of the book...what do you think? I know it's totally cliche, but, still...it's funny. Deal with it.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3
Why do so many people fail to succeed?

As I have pointed out many times in the first two chapters of this amazing book – many people fail to achieve their goals in a diet or self-improvement program. Here I want to illustrate some reasons why, so as to better address topics of how to succeed. In chapter two, I gave three principles of discipline. It is a direct correlation to a lack in one of these areas that people encounter failure on their path to success.

A question should have just entered your head, “Why is the stick man labeled 'Phil'?” Well, I guess I will tell you. This chapter will be a story about a guy named Phil and a girl named Jane. Jane is in her mid-twenties, she has a good job working as a personal fitness trainer and she is the second fastest speed skater in the whole of Russia. Because of her extensive work as a fitness trainer and her career of excellence to back it up, Jane decides to write a book on dieting. Her personal fame shoots the book, which is entitled, It's Not About the Ice-Skates, It's About the Tibialis Anterior!, to the top of the charts. The book garners a lot of attention from various national news stations who hail it as the diet of the century (or at least the decade). Her diet becomes the newest, biggest fad. Memberships at ice rinks skyrocket in volume as people set out to lose weight on the ice. Now let me introduce our hero – Phil. Phil is in his early-twenties, a college student who likes to play video games and he loves Mountain Dew. Phil is not what you would call fat – but he is certainly no cover (or back) model for Men’s' Health. Phil figures that he could do with losing a few pounds around the mid-section and decides that Jane's book is the way to go. After buying, reading and re-reading the book, Phil buys a pair of speed skates and a membership at the local ice-rink. The first day he goes out, all gung-ho ready to grab the world by its suit coat lapels, tie it in a knot and use it as a sweat rag. He skates. He skates a lot that first day; doing everything he can to mimic Jane's personal workout routine. After four solid hours of skating, Phil figures it has been a good day and goes to a few of his classes. He comes home and remembers that he is supposed to do some stretches to cool his body down and keep his muscles fresh. Phil looks at the list for a few seconds, trying to muster to gusto to just get down and do it when his roommates shout, “Dude, Phil, Madden 2003 tournament!” Phil's mind starts to process the complexity of the choice, stretch or play video games? Three seconds later, Phil is on the couch next to Dave running a 'Hail Mary' play for a seventeen-yard gain and a first down.

After several hours, Phil retires to bed. The next morning he wakes up craving a Dew and thinking about some new football plays he could try. He sits down, flips on his television, and realizes he is supposed to go to the rink and skate another two miles today. The start screen for Madden 2003 is flickering on the screen in front of him, the Wisconsin State University cheerleaders are dancing there too. He sits and starts for a while before he decides, “Eh – I'll just do it later and cut chemistry instead.” He selects his favorite team and runs an option play for a total of thirty -six yards.

Later that evening Phil realizes he has drunk a total of six liters of Mountain Dew and done a full seasons work of Madden football. Phil slaps himself in the forehead and says, “Man! I forgot to go to chemistry!” ... “Dude! I forgot to go skating!” Phil thinks quickly about what he could do to replace his speed skating since the rink was already closed. His mind spins around like a slot machine, first wheel stops on 'Run' with a “schunk”-ing sound. The second wheel snaps into its final position on 'Sleep.' The third wheel spins for what feels like an eternity before settling on 'Run' as well. “The slot machine knows best,” says Phil as he jumps to his feet. “Aargh!” screams Phil as he collapses back onto the floor holding his hamstring that is currently seized by the biggest charlie horse seen on this side of the Atlantic in the past thirteen years! “Ha-ha!” thinks the second wheel as the third wheel removes its disguise, revealing its identity as a 'Sleep' label. Phil decides, while rolling on the ground, in excruciating pain, that running probably is not going to happen tonight. Instead, after the pain clears, he goes to bed. On the way there, he kicks himself for not stretching the night before. Half a second later, he is flailing on the ground screaming because of a fresh charlie horse.

As he swims into consciousness the next morning, Phil notices how sore his legs are and decides to forgo any lower-body workout for the near future. While on campus that day, he notices signs up that proclaim the release and arrival of Madden 2004 to the local bookstore. “I have GOT to get me one of these,” pants Phil as he shuffles/limps over to the store where he buys his very own copy. Coming home, he boots up his gaming console and discovers a completely new world of digital football. Over the coming weeks, Phil develops a really bad case of Mountain Dew addiction and slack jaw. By the time reality comes back into focus he realizes he is worse off than when he started his diet.

Seeing his chances of success burning, Phil returns to his life of mediocrity and class cutting. He graduates a few years later with a degree in Video Game Consultation and gets a nice job working for WetWare Inc., a new startup gaming company.
So what is the moral of the story? People fail to achieve their goals because we are generally weak, and if we try to tackle too steep of a learning curve without honestly and accurately accounting for our own abilities and frailties, we are destined to fail. That is why Chapter Four is going to rock your world with an amazing play for success!